Hold the sugar coating.

Fashion Photography

As I lie here beneath the lashings of midnight lightning., absorbing the sounds of colossal colliding clouds, I think to my self…. Oh what a bell end!

There’s 101 ways, to get the very best out of your model. Today’s photographer, gave a text book example, on exactly how not to do that.

Seriously kids, you want your muse on your team. Your paying her good money, so why wouldn’t you want her values worth? The ideas are in your head and you need her to channel the buggers… So?…VOICE your em’!. Unfortunately telepathy is not included in our skill set, nor the price. When we don’t know what you want, or if where even doing right, you’ll get the robot routine treatment, complete with void personality and vacant face.

In layman’s terms, we simply achieve are best, when we feel our best; No talky, means no collaboration. Get this model inspired and absorbed in your thinking. Make her feel respected, comfortable and confident. And voila! See said wall flower, blossom into a Cindy fucking Crawford.

(AND YES!… Standard work place, human rights DO apply…. Meaning food beaks, water and ample survival temperatures are not regarded as diva demands.)

At the absolute polar end of the ettiquete spectrum… Heres several other fine examples, of how to corner your model into a rather unattractive rigour mortis.

A. When asked what emotion you would like her to portray, please don’t spit out ‘sexy’. First things first…. ‘Sexy’ is not an emotion. It is an adjective. And it is purley opinion of how erotically appealing, you might think I am.

This rule may not apply to the consensus. But as for the word ‘sexy’ when it comes to I, nothing makes my skin crawl more. In fact Id much rather you call me ugly; both words are as equally personal and irrelevant to the days production.

B. Ask said model, mid contorting pose… “What levels do you  works upto again?”  First of all have some tact and a little sensitivity to intimate environment you are now working in. Such vital jargon, should have been discussed several months back and will now make your subject feel incredibly self concious AND creeped out.

As for this product, it does what it says on the tin. No hidden ingredients, agendas or pysudenems here.

C. Ask said model mid pose… “Is your mother single and does she look like you”. (Personal favourite of mine). This may provoke projectile vomiting on cue, followed by me packing my bags shortly thereafter.

D. (Now this one really grind my gears). Please reframe from commenting on your models eating habits. Wether I bring a deep fried wilderbeast in my backpack or I have a single salted lettuce leaf in my lunchbox. Its my damn right, to scoff whatever I so shall please. So take your models cliches elsewhere.

Such unnecessary remarks, even if only intending as friendly banter, can appear judgmenatal and belittling.

Rant over.

Here’s some of the funky images of myself, lapped in a paradise called Gorda.

Photography by: Micheal Youngs.

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